Filed under: Bobbo Hate Speech
Dear Sir:
Bobbo, Bobbo, guess what?!?!?!?!! Neil and I figured out a way to make all of your problems go away! Here’s what we realized – the US National Team must have a player named “M-something-90” on the pitch at all times. This is because Brian McBride retired; he would have been B-M-90, but I think internally Bobbo….you kind of switched the letters. I’m actually 100% sure this is what happened, but it’s OK, I got your back on this one and I’m here to help. I understand you get confused sometimes – coaching must be tough! It’s not like this kind of mistake hasn’t happened before. I know you don’t realize that Beckerman is not the same person as Beckham, and it’s only a matter of time before you mistake J.F. Torres for Fernando Torres, but one thing at a time….
Back to the McBride thing. The necessity for some combination of the letters M and B lead you to the conclusion that instead of needing a BM90, we had to have an MB90, and therefore your son must play all the time. You believe in your team’s inner chi and balance. You subscribe to the theorem of the Tony Meola curse, and thus Timmy Howard must be your keeper and Brad Guzan must be your backup. This also means that Troy Perkins has no place on this team – I totally understand. Where there’s no hair, there must be an M-B or B-M in some order.
The solution to your problem though Bobbo is quite simple. Mo Edu is coming back from injury soon. His initials are M-E. I know this is different than M-B, but the letter B kind of sounds like the letter E. If you say it fast enough Bobbo, you won’t even notice. It can be our little secret that you don’t watch the games you’re coaching, so if you make the switch from M-B-90 to M-E-90, I think we both know that you’d never really notice what’s going on. Mikey will probably start crying and/or beating up an official if you decide to make the switch, but I think even his inner balance will be satisfied when you explain this rationale to him. How can you argue with it – it makes perfect sense! And you can’t put both M-E-90 and M-B-90 in the game at the same time! That would be like the Seinfeld episode where George’s worlds collide – the results would be similar to an antimatter explosion that would consume the universe, and none of us want this. Explain all this to Michael, and I’m sure he’ll let you off the hook. Then you can play a team that has the potential to win some games, and all will be well with the world….
Best,
Raf
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